Friday, June 11, 2010

The Autumn Salad/ worst date story

Here is the picture of my Autumn Salad ala Betty Crocker's Vegetarian Cookbook. It's not perfect like hers but it was yummy!
And the story of my worst date:
Once upon a time Princess Cocoa lived in Oklahoma and met a guy she really liked. Unfortunately, she was young and stupid and wouldn't date him for irrational reasons. This guy was so great though, he wanted to set her up with his room mate because he thought they were both such wonderful people (or it may have been a plan to expose her to the biggest loser on the planet in order to woo her, but that's another story).
So, the date was set for Friday night with let's call him...oh hell, his name was Matt.  So, Matt didn't have a job and was sponging off everyone around him, including his mother buying him cigarettes. So, being broke, he suggested that Princess Cocoa come over to the house for dinner.  He would grill some chicken and she could bring a side dish.  Princess Cocoa decided to give him every chance, because she cared so much for the other guy, let's call him Neal, and decided to do her dish right instead of bringing some deli glop.
Friday came and after work she decided to meet her friend Tammie for a drink, since her date wasn't until 7:00 PM. Lo and behold, Neal was also at the same bar where they were meeting! So, they all sat together and had a couple drinks, some food and a wonderful time!
None of them had noticed that Matt had been calling Neal and Cocoa regularly since 7:00 pm and it was now 8:30 pm.  Tammie was drunk.
So, Cocoa called Matt and apologized for being late. Matt said the chicken was already done, so she grabbed Tammie and went back to her apartment lickety split. She told Tammie to sleep it off on her couch while she made her wonderful salad.
About an hour later, Tammie came to and was able to drive herself home and Cocoa headed to Matt & Neal's house for her "date".
When she arrived, Matt presented her with a baking dish full of raw chicken marinating in Italian dressing, with a proud smile on his face. Lateness had been forgiven - Neal took the blame.
Princess Cocoa, despite her severe aversion to raw chicken, dutifully looked down at the pan, gagged and ran to the bathroom where she promptly threw up and the toilet threw up right back at her. She had vomit all over her jeans and shoes, it had spewed back at her and the floor too.  She tried to clean herself up enough to go home and when she came out of the bathroom Matt was no where to be found. But a drunk and concerned Neal was standing by to see what he could do. She told him to please apologize to Matt for her, that she had to go home. "No! Please go sit with him. He's out back and really likes you. I'll clean up the bathroom. Give me your shoes and I'll take care of it!", he was so sweet and sincere. She went back in the bathroom where he put her in the tub and washed off the bottom of her jeans and sent her out to visit with Matt.
Cocoa just wanted to go home, but then decided to stay on the off chance Neal would come and visit with them.  Matt had nothing to talk about.  He was apologetic about the chicken, but really thought it was because she had been drinking. She tried to explain how raw chicken always made her gag but with the dressing, it just looked like a pan full of snot and puke, but he didn't believe her.
The story really ends after a "second chance date" where Cocoa realizes this guy is a creep, boring and sponges off Neal in the most heartless way. She drops him off at the house, vowing never to date a man that she has to drive around again, and just conveniently "forgets to call him". 
Princess Cocoa did one day realize that she loved Neal, but that too is another story for another day my friends.

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