Mmmmm...looks good right? I made it all by myself with a little help from Boar's Head and King Soopers.
Now, you do have to put on your big girl panties and be brave if you're going to do it... but here's how you fake a homemade roast for your next dinner party:
Go to the deli counter where they carry Boar's Head meats. Pick out the roast you want in the window based on how many people you're feeding and what seasonings you want. Go here to pre-shop, if you're so inclined: http://www.boarshead.com/digicatessen.php
Tell the deli person that you'd like the whole roast "un-cut, un-opened". They will weigh it, as usual, and put the label on it with price etc. I chose the All Natural, Cap Off Roast Beef because it comes in a smaller chunk (around 3 pounds) and it's organic, cruelty free etc. I'm sure any other type of roast would be good too and they come in various seasonings. The best thing is that Boar's Head brand are all gf so you don't have to grill the deli person on ingredients.
Anyway, I have done this a couple times and find that a man give you a tentative stare, smile, slap the sticker on it and wish you a nice day. A woman will ask you what you're planning to do with it. Be prepared to say "Eat it." and smile.
*Bonus* Getting it unopened will also protect you from any cross-contamination issues that run rampant in a deli.
Take it home, cut it into thick slices or chunks (like you'd do any roast), tent with foil and put it in the oven to heat. 400 degrees for 30 mins or so will do it. You could put it in the microwave but then you'll miss out on the drama of taking it out of the oven and the authentic roasting smell. :)
Once your guests are assembled around the table, take it out of the oven with great panache and serve with flair.
While you're at the store also pick up a package of pre-washed veggies like greens (organic), grape tomatoes, sugar snap peas, baby carrots and toss together for a beautiful salad. I'd also recommend instant mashed potatoes with some sour cream stirred in and whatever other favorite sides you like.
So that's my secret to feeding a ton of people in 30 minutes or less without looking like you catered it.
In other news, I discovered a fab find. Gimball's candies! They are allergen free according to the website: http://www.gimbalscandy.com/allergen-free.html and so yummy!